Day 46: Compassion and Gratitude

Every Monday is embraced with open arms.  Making lists of things to get done throughout the week, jotting down little accomplishments I would like to see happen and taking time out to breathe like it’s a Friday fill my morning hours.  I have been listening to a chill playlists after having to wipe my Mac and start all over so that my iTunes will work again after installing macOS Mojave.  I can’t help but to keep revisiting forgiveness and moving on. 

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My life has been a series of being run over, changing for people that don’t matter and disrespecting myself for trusting these people in the first place.  I can’t forget.  How can I fully forgive?  It is said that saying you are ready to forgive is the first step and forgetting about the very act you are forgiving is the point where you have forgiven that person.  I can say I’m somewhere in the middle.  I’m ready to put in the work but I remember and the trauma starts all over again.  

It feels like my feelings have been put into a mixer, separated and then the mixer gets turned back on.  I refuse for my week to start with negative emotions.  I have meditated, breathed and wrote on this subject numerous times but because this was such a scam and injustice it is hard to let it go.  Selfish people beware that you no longer will hold space in my mind and thoughts.  You will exist along side of me but I will be so detached from you I won’t even feel pity for you.  

I listened to a podcast over the weekend and it’s was sad to hear that the person is going through a tough time but I have long since distrusted what these guys tell you with their hands out.  Eventually, even beggars have to look for something different to do.  They look like beggars but live in fancy houses and have podcast images of their families in a perfect photo.  Sadly, people are so desperate that the photo is all they need to say that they are less than someone else.  Keep doing your meditation on abundance and hear how empty you sound.  

Either way now that I am present to these emotions, I have the choice of how I’m going to react to them.  I can let them stain each new day or I can slowly keep cleaning my thoughts of pity so they are reduced to compassion.  Compassion and gratitude are the words I’m keeping in the forefront of my mind this week.  I am having compassion for those that see no wrong in their actions.  I am having gratitude that they are no long my problem.