I have a personality that rescues people from their negative situations and tries to help others to be free from grief. For the longest time, I was grief for my family. I was into drugs, couldn’t hold a job and was very reckless with my life. I went from not knowing who I was t knowing who I was and being ashamed of it. Then, after I learned to be proud of who I was, I was shunned from the very group that pleads for acceptance.
Changing who I was so that I could stay in my family home at the beginning of my high school freshman year was always to blame for my identity crisis in my early teenage years. This problem followed me into my adult life as I always tried to change who I was to accommodate other people. This became especially problematic when I became friends with manipulative people. When people didn’t like me for just simply being me, I always used to think that it was my fault and I would change myself to accommodate them.
I was in a relationship in my early 20’s that really screwed me up. I was cheated on by this person using my own computer. He would find people online and chat with them. Everyone in my circle of friends knew this and because he was the connection to the bar scene, I was the one that was outcast. I literally went crazy by trying to drink myself to death and fell into depression using prescription drugs and illegal ones. Even during this time, I was taken advantage of by friends that knew of the situation.
After gaining my ground and stopping the drugs, I got on a plane and headed to San Francisco. I was finally out of the vicious cycle that I thought would never end. I eventually graduated from The Academy of Art University and moved back to the Midwest. I got involved heavily with the community but was never really accepted by the gay community regardless of wanting to help with our local Pride Festival. After noticing their disfunction, I realize that I am better off.
I now realize that because of my past I am a strong person because of my past. I am an independent person because of my haters. I am free because other people’s problems are not my own. I have complete empathy for people in pain but I no longer have to take on their problems and carry them myself. Knowing this could have saved me a lot of heartache and wasted time but this time was needed so that I get to be who I am today.