I finally feel like I have the strength to truly help people again. This feeling of being too much an egoist and too much of an optimist has subsided. When I have these thoughts of doubt, I am only trying to sabotage myself. I have reread my entire 188 days of writing on this blog and it makes me feel like I am writing to provide some sort of validity and approval. I need to stop asking others for permission and start granting it on my own.
With this said, I have so much going on all the time to prove that I am busy and to prove my worth. I stay busy to avoid making personal relationships with people for fear of being hurt of taken advantage of. I even doubt my close relationships at times. I even doubt the relationships that should matter the most, my family. As I distance myself and detach from the world around me, the light shines brighter on moments and situations that I need to take a lesson from.
I am trying to relate all of this to the recent discovery of my soul. As my soul doesn’t question who is good or bad. My soul doesn’t daydream about being painless. The soul is painless and free. The soul has a way of being unchanged or bother by things that the ego can and will obsess about.
When I am gone from this world, the soul will still be here not remembering my name or the body that it was contained in. However, my ego has to associate with my name and deeds. My ego has to relate who I am with my actions and my certifications. My ego decides who is good and who is bad.
Today is the day I live in the moment without judgement or preference to how things go. Today is the day that I look at things as the happen as just a witness. Today is the day that I live as a projector screen allowing the movie of life play across me without being involved. Today is the day that I experience this because it’s today or never.