Day 98: Back At It

After taking several days off from my schooling to be with my little dogs during their recovery, I noticed several old bad habits trying to creep in.  It is easy to fall back into old habits when stress and time are in abundance.  I had every intention of picking up that book and typing my anatomy notes but they stayed next to me on the couch as my remote stayed in my left hand.  I had plans of getting some stuff done over the past few days but taking care of my little babies, Maverick and Tyson, was the highest, and only, priority.

I wanted to work on school stuff but didn’t have the motivation to actually start working.  I have this stress already forming about an exam that is still 3 months away.  I have fear of failure and fear of not performing well.  Yoga is all about going with the flow and I have been practicing this for a while now.  I have stopped worrying about time while walking my dogs.  I used to think that 30 minutes was long enough to walk the big boys but have learned that they will tell me when they are ready.  Sometimes, it takes them 45 minutes to smell and pee on everything and other times it will take 20 minutes.  This is good relaxation time for me until I have to pick up dog poop.w

Instead of homework and studying, I cuddled my little boys and made sure that I did everything that helped them get better.  I provided a space of calmness and peace for 4 days.   Honestly, my house still feels and smells like peace and relaxation.  I went long periods of time without the television on.  I laid next to them in silent just praying that they would get better and heal quickly.  The first couple of days were almost paralyzing because I couldn’t do anything but give Tyson medicine to feel better.  It was very sad at my house.

I have every device you could imagine that would make it possible to my work from anywhere but had no desire to pick them up and actually start working.  I did meditate and practice yoga asana.  I enjoy being silent.  Before class on Monday, I meditated from the time I laid down my mat to the time the teacher started class.  It was only about 15 minutes but having that mental clarity is a great way to prepare for classes that are sometimes in a different language or has a ton of foreign terms to learn.  I feel that this is why I’m already so uneasy about the exams.  There are so many terms to learn. 

While I feel as though the last several days have been spent taking care of my two little patients, all the love and affection that was given to them has paid off.  Tyson is going to the bathroom and Maverick is becoming his old self again.  It is so crazy to think a little less than a week ago, things could have turned out really bad for them.  I went through my first real crisis since the course began and I feel it helped me be calm and in the moment.  There are small subtle changes happening within me all time and they are measured by my lack of emotional reaction.  My dogs got hurt and it threw me the first night but then it turned into me judge needing to take care of my babies as if it were a duty.