Day 138: What Do You Cling To?

Recently, I was rejected by AppleNews to become a publisher through my blog. There reasoning was that my blog was too personal and not suited for a wider audience. There is a huge difference in my thinking and my reaction to receiving this news. At first, I was a little disappointed because it took me so long to even send in my submission. Then, my ego wanted to be mad and hurt. I said, “Not today ego, not today.”

The person that I have become is a long way from the person I was about three years ago. Facebook keeps reminding of that person everyday with posts of people I no longer speak to and have no contact with. For the most part, I have looked at these conflicts as lessons or mistakes I will never make again. Without these experiences, I would definitely be taking antidepressants and would be in deal that I have a lot of soul searching to do to find my inner happiness.

However, receiving the rejection letter from AppleNews was taken in two ways:

1. I have a lot of work to do still.

During my yoga journey, I am learning that nothing comes easy and the things that do aren’t sustainable or worth it in the end. I could have been accepted right away but then I would just mechanically type my blog post and publish it. Looking at the blog, I have a long way to go to reach a wider audience and, perhaps, a wide audience isn’t who I want to reach. With the rejection came questioning why I write in the first place. At first, this blog was to air out all the feelings and emotions that I have been holding on to. It has turned into a space where I write my thoughts gaining clarity some days and having more questions on others. Perhaps recording audio of each post would be a great way to engage people that don’t want to read.

2. My ego is what is writing all this in the first place.

We can’t wipe away our egos. Anyone who says that they are ego-less is showing their ego in that very statement. When I was hurt, at first, reading the email that stated that I didn’t comply with their guidelines. I chuckled because I have never been one to follow guidelines. The best part is on my website, I don’t have to follow anyone’s guidelines except for the basic ones provided by Squarespace. The entire site is about ego. I have a bio page where I talk generically about my story. My CV/resume is listed with all of the art shows I have done over the past decade. My photography portfolio of my travels in India is listed to show you how great of a photographer I am. Then, you can signup for my yoga newsletter to receive more information about me. This is what an honest view looks like.

I am a long way from being perfect but that is not my aim in the first place. My intent is to make the world a little better when I leave it than it was before I born into it. I expect no praise and don’t want it at the same time. Rejection can look many ways but your reaction to rejection can either hurt you or help you. The silver lining is that it is your choice if that hurt or help makes you grow or give up.