While traveling in Asia, it is almost certain to gain insight into your life. I have been away from what is normal for almost 8 full months now. There has been lots of time to put in perspective what is important to me and what truly makes me happy - Art, Yoga and People. While helping others is a huge part of my life, it has become dire to take care of me and fill my cup back up.
My first change came when I started working with Wesley Chapman with Wake The Hero in June. I had to admit to myself that it was time to have someone work with me to find the pieces that were lost at bay somewhere. He has a phrase that is a staple for the organization - 'Put the victim to bed and Wake the Hero up instead.' I eventually became a victim of Wesley’s as he turned out to be a fraud and a fake. You can read more about my experience here. I started constantly putting myself down, telling myself I couldn't do something and saying that I wasn't worthy enough. All of this was after I started my own Eat, Pray, Love and went through Yoga School where I was supposed to come out this enlightened person.
After my first month of working with Wesley, I immediately noted certain changes. I started building defenses from the things that were causing me the most pain. I had to write a list of 20 of the most awesome things about me. I watched the movie LION and was amazed that despite all of the main character's obstacles, he thrived and achieved his goal without the expected outcome. I don't believe in spoilers so please watch it. I built this website and started this blog. I started doing the things that I said I wouldn't be able to do. In the end, by his own actions, I realized that Wesley had coached me to be fearless. I wasn’t afraid of him or anyone anymore. I truly have nothing to lose by asking for what I wanted and standing up for what is right.
When putting all of that into perspective, I have to remind myself that I, too, can overcome all of my obstacles despite whatever comes my way. I give too much of myself away. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I let my unconditional love cause me conditional pain. Not anymore.