Day 23: The Space of Dreaming


Most of my life, I have been a person that has many things going on at one time.  I have done some pretty incredible things in my life.  I have travelled all over the world, taught yoga for the oldest yoga institute in the world and still take photography with a creative mind.  I have played and sang for thousands of people and have shown my artwork to people all of the world and still I have felt not good enough.

At the end of the day, it’s all dust, right?  I have been struggling with this for some time now.  We are told that we need to achieve this award or improve this so you can that.  At this point, I am ready to turn my dance card in and start doing something that makes a true difference.  I want to be a vessel that inspires people to live their best life.  There are no excuses and I have every tool need to make it possible.   

My entire life has been built on this reward system.  Now, my question is, ‘Why does it matter what I win?’  It doesn’t.  I feel my armor of needing to be incredibly competitive all time starting to fall away.  This means when I feel defeated, it is masochisticly enjoyable.  Also, now that the competition is not another person, it feels good to kick my own ass.  Like the other day, I was doing crunches and I have pushed myself so hard that my upper back and neck are sore.  

I am starting to dream about things I never thought possible.  Do I need to move back to the US as soon as Doug’s assignment is up?  Could be a yoga teacher on the beaches of Sri Lanka for a while?  Is it possible that I could be the one to reintroduce the Yoga Institute to the United States?  All of these questions have my mind on fire because anything and everything is possible.

When I start to have a dream attack, I have to write these things down.  Then, when I’m feeling my life isn’t going anywhere, I pull these out to remind me of where I’m going.  This life is endless just like the amount of possibilities.  I was put here on the planet to do something incredible.  I’m listening to possibilities instead of defeat.