Day 47: Time and Presence

Every day of the week has now turned into ‘doing’ something.  I think of time as a countdown.  Some people countdown the hours before they get to get back into bed before they have even started their day.  Many people race to get as many things done as possible before they have to go to sleep.  Many people are in a routine to where they could do their routines with their eyes closed.  None of these approaches are wrong, but I have to wonder about their presence level while performing any tasks.  Do we live to find our routine and do this repeatedly?

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Routines bore me to death.  Doing the same things over and over sounds insanely mundane.  The rajas in my fills an ever ending need to keep doing, keep in action.  When I do find a routine, I feel that if I have missed something that it I can’t go back and do that task.  For example, I used to work out at 6am.  If I missed this time, I would skip working out all together instead of just fitting it in somewhere else in my day.  Admittedly, working out in the afternoon is the best time for my mind and body but morning is the time for it.

In the larger picture, I have a fear of settling down into one things or one routine.  I feel in that I have to always be fluid in all aspects of life.  It may be a matter of feeling free but having a strict schedule is hard to surrender to.  I like to be organized and disorganized at the same time.  Food is something that I have been trying to have a better relationship with lately regarding routines.  

When I arrive home from school at 6:30pm, I have to walk my dogs.  This takes about an hour to wait for them to have some outside time and go to the restroom. I value this time with them as they are sometimes my only interaction in the evenings. My 4 dogs are my children.  They are stubborn sometimes like children regarding going to the restroom.  Therefore, my eating time gets later and later.  I usually let the time dictate what I eat.  Lately, it has been cabbage, pumpkin, a little red onion and mushrooms brought to a boil and then cooled to room temperature.  This is usually around 8 or 8:30pm.  Then, it’s time for bed.

My mind is constantly racing as how I can achieve nutrition requirement without putting in a lot of work.  I’m looking at anything that requires time and presence to be an added part of my life.  Honestly, I don’t know if my new found awareness has attributed to this but questioning what is important.  My time with Doug is important.  My time with my fur babies is important.  Above all is else, taking care of me has been of the upmost importance because if I don’t take the time to take care of me how can I be present when I’m taking care of the rest of the world.