A breif description of the signs of suicide to look for since ususally the signs are there all along we just have to know what to look for.Read More
Hopefully, this blog post inspires someone to take that next step in achieving their own grateness.Read More
Remember those days of staying up late talking about nothing, anticipating hours in the bedroom and pouncing on every text message? These were the days is what many feel about their relationships or marriages. Do relationships lose their luster or shine after time? If they do, get your polish out and start rubbing. Here are 5 essential things you need to do keep the relationship strong.
1. Be Spontaneous.
We are creatures of habit. Naturally, this leads to routines in every aspect of our lives. To break up the monotony, skip out on the plans for the weekend and do something to revive that weekend schedule. While most have a hard time breaking the cycle, once on the road or in a plane and left with no other option, you would be surprised how much the departure from the norm is appreciated.
2. Talk about the Future
While many of us remain in the present with our relationships. It is good to talk about the future. You can set loose plans, create goals together and design a life that you both enjoy. Talking about the future too soon can lead to the fatality of the relationship. Be careful. Also, be sure to avoid topics that are sensitive like kids. Having a plan is good even when you are living day-to-day and having a plan helps you grow.
3. Ask How your Partner's day Was
Many people forget this very simple and important question. Asking how someone's day was is sometimes the most important thing to them. Not only does it show you care, you show your partner that you are there for support. However, hold the advice unless asked for. You may find yourself in a situation where asking was your biggest mistake.
4. Join in a Hobby Together
Most couples have the belief that you should do separate activities. While having your own space is crucial for a relationship to survive, having a hobby that you enjoy together can give you something to look forward to. Hobbies come in all shapes and sizes. You and your partner can guarantee that having that one thing that you do weekly, monthly or bi-monthly will create memories for years to come.
5. Embrace the moments of Being Human
While many look at farting and getting completely flustered as too vulnerable and taboo, show your partner all sides of you without shame. In the same light, let your partner show all of their sides as well. Maintaining a safe space to completely be yourselves may be the only area that you feel that way. Be a support to your partner not a critic for things that they can't control.
When we choose to spend the rest of our lives with someone, you sign up for a whole list of things that you didn't think of. These are only 5 things that every successful relationship has. There are many more. If you have found that special someone hang on to them. You never know when life will throw a curveball and leave you alone. My advice to you is: Enjoy the ride.
We all can listen to the podcasts. We can all watch the same free online content about how to make your dream life happen. We all love hearing about the things we need to do, but very seldom to we take action on those very things to better our own lives. Are we content with what we have?
I have been working with Wesley Chapman with A Human Project and my experience has been a roller coaster. It was just last week that I had a 'lightbulb moment' and all things seemed to come together in this Big Bang.
I have always wanted to do good things with and for people. This was my gift and my curse. I had unconditional love but my love had conditions. I would do things that would have these unmentioned attachments. Some of these attachments, I wasn't aware of consciously. So, for the past several months, I have been working on this trait of unconditional love that I thought I had mastered so long ago. We all do this with our partners, parents, children, co-workers and anyone that we come into contact with. I started to realize that I had no idea what unconditional love was at all, but I screamed from the mountain tops that I was unconditional love.
Breaking apart every failed human relationship I have had in my past made me realize my fault and the part I played in the downfall of that relationship. It is only now that I can look at these people and truly forgive them while finding a way to erase the guilt from my own heart. The time of forgiving myself has come and gone. Moving to a country where I know no one has made me realize that, in this world and for it to work, we all need each other. Every one of us is a support to one another.
I look at the reason why people hate on each other and want to hide my head in shame. This world is a cruel place and we wonder why suicide is looked at as the only option for some. You have to know love to know hate. You have to know wrong to know forgiveness. You have to know a superhero to know a villain.
There are three reasons that you have negative feelings towards a person:
- They have something you want (a lifestyle, a talent, etc)
- They bring out something dark or negative that you possess (a person that is late, a person that fails to keep commitments, etc)
- They failed to meet an expectation that you set (Most likely, you didn't tell them that expectation.)
I don't bring these things up because I am pointing a finger at anyone but myself. I do have people that hate me, my life and my very being. How do I let my haters affect me? I don't. People hate some of societies most valued figures. As we approach Republic Day in India, I am reminded that even Ghandi, the leader of the independence of India, was shot dead because someone hated him. He promoted peace and freedom.
I can't speak for others, but I can speak for my own actions. Have I always done proud by my parents? No. Have I let people down? Yes. Do I regret any of it? No. Everything I have done in my life has lead to a lesson in some way. Have people been hurt by my actions? Yes. Have I burnt many bridges? Yes. Again, do I regret any of it? No. The stage in my life where I have started letting all this go has begun.
Life really is as simple as we want to make it. We need more kindness in the world. We need more compassion. We need more change. The world is already changing all around us everyday. Are you part of that change? - or - Are you leading the change in your own life?
If your answer is no to both of those questions, it's time for your own life to start. Unfortunately, in reality, no one is going to kick start your life for you. The time is now.
While doing the exploration part of my to do list today, I listen to some videos from Gary Vaynerchuk. This guy says the F-word a lot. His message is simple - Stop complaining and Start doing what you want to do. He has over 2.2 million followers on his Facebook and Instagram. He is one of the most sought after public speakers.
One of the videos was of his #AskGaryVee Show, him and his guest were speaking about brutal honesty with co-workers. You get a sense that Gary is serious down to the core. How did he rise to this? He made choices that were his own. He took his path and made it a journey that he is still currently on.
As I was listening, he stated that we shouldn't have anymore whiny Mondays with our head down. After this I was so excited that I actually clapped when I completed my 5K in 17 minutes and 9 seconds. Then, the whole time I was meditating, I was thinking and just letting my brain enjoy this feeling of discovery. I left that exercise feeling energize and ready to get more work done.
The question that stays with me out of all the videos that I watched today - What if this was the last day I had here on Earth? Would I be proud of myself for loathing the roundness of my stomach? Did I accomplish everything that I sought out do? What would I leave behind? What a profound freedom I feel at this moment.
I would most certainly be ashamed of loathing my appearance. I am more embarrassed that I lost all of this weight only to gain it back because of late night Taco Bell runs, lost of pizza and impromptu left turns into Kris&Kate's. I had a teacher in the Landmark Forum very clearly state how you lose weight - EAT LESS, MOVE MORE. I am working so hard to reach a goal of wellbeing and fitness both in my mind and my body. I have even been embraced by the morning staff at breakfast to make better choices.
I have not accomplished everything I have dreamed to achieve. There is a non-ending list of things I would like to achieve in this lifetime. I would like to be a speaker on a worldwide platform for suicide prevention. I made an impact on a local level regarding Suicide Prevention. Also, I volunteer for Crisis Text Line where the majority of the people are looking for someone to talk to because they are contemplating dying by suicide. I want to be represented by an art gallery and make money from my art work. I want to inspire people through my artwork, music and my life.
At this point, I would leave behind a bunch of unorganized photography and artwork. I would be known as a talented person that fought for what is right. I would leave behind my family that I love very much. I would leave behind a silhouette of a person. I would be known for all the things I did, not for the kind of person I was. I am a mover and a shaker and types usually are known for what the do. After all, there is a lot of the world I haven't seen yet.
I had all these amazing thoughts of solutions to these problems. I had a moment of clarity where I was a cheerleader for myself. The defeated person that lives inside all of us, got sent to the bench. I made a list of all the things that I am that make my character and not the things I do. As my last breathing technique came to a close with Gary's words resonating in my brain, I took 5 really deep breaths, I clapped my hands together loudly and instinctively said, "F--- Yes! I got this!"
Conquer today not because I said. Conquer it because today could be your last.
In India, I have needed very little compared to the things I thought important in the United States. An abundance of clothing, a refrigerator and cabinets full of food and all sorts of material possessions were necessities. I have realized that all of those things are not needed for happiness or even security.
Soon, I will be taking a voyage with just a camping pack to multiple countries. That is all I will have for an entire month. I have been thinking very hard about what I will fill that bag with. What is completely necessary?
Is underwear completely needed? If so, how many pairs do you pack for an entire month? Do I leave room to collect things along the way on my trip? How many Apple chargers do I need to bring? Do I pack shorts or pants?
I find the people here fastinating because of their need for less stuff. They don't even need more space. 500 sq ft is considered a nice-sized apartment. This takes me back to my days of living in California where my first apartment was the same size. However, the population of San Francisco is far less.
After looking at all these questions that flooded my mind, I came to the realization that I need none of these things. Yes, I do need clothes but not a different outfit for every day of the week. There will be places to do laundry. Also, as I have learned during my stays in Goa, clothes wash in the sink too. Do I need to pack underwear at all? No.
When you strip away all these things that we think we 'need', you come to know that you don't really need any of these things at all. In this day and age, there are stores where you can get what you forgot or need on the road or the train. Some items are available on the train itself or in an airport.
Ok, a toothbrush and toothpaste are two items that I know for sure I will be tagging along with me. I can't stand fuzzy teeth. It must be known that I find it pointless to wear deodorant in India. I am a sweat-er and it doesn't matter how much deodorant you wear something always smells worse and more overpowering than you do. Poor Doug.
So, in my upcoming trip in October/November, I will be doing a series of blogs about what we actually need on many levels. In this journey, I hope to explore, photographically and through words, the absurdity that we call needs.
This blog series will begin October 4th, 2017.
My Hero - Salman SayyedRead More
Unconditional Love causes me Conditional Pain. Not anymore.Read More
When looking at all of the amazing artifacts dating hundreds of years old, I have been thinking about what will I leave behind once this life is over. Do we leave behind things that people flock to or do we leave behind things that people run away from? Do we leave behind a blessing or a curse?
Statues of Gods and Goddesses, relics and stories handed down by mouth alone are all things that I am learning about in the cultural richness of this great country of India. History is something that the people here are surrounded by constantly. I am often asked why my fascination leads me to take numerous pictures of such ordinary things that the Indian people treat as common as a park bench. Perhaps, this is what we do with things in our own lives.
When was the last time you looked at your mother and/or father and looked at them as people who wanted to leave a legacy alive inside of you? Have you ever looked at the things that you have collected and wondered, or even appreciated, why you collected them in the first place? Can you hear, smell or touch the exact moment when you found the item? What was the memory that you attached to it?
We leave behind words, waste or emotions all the time and never think about it? In other words, we are not present to our own presence. When we leave these things behind with intention -both, positive and, unfortunately, negative, we are then an effective human being. Are we someone that people are happy that you are coming? Or, are we someone that people are excited to see you go?
Negative things can be a blessing and positive things can be a curse. Which one do you choose?
Comment below a time in your life when you have intentionally left something behind - positive or negative. What was the result?
Train Station in busy Mumbai. Photography by Jeremy Eaton.Read More