While today was rough, it was also a valuable learning lesson. I was mad and upset but was able to be with it and overcome it. Admittedly, I shut down for some time trying to figure out where this anger comes from, I realized that the person I was mad at is the same person I’m mad at in other situations. Patrick, Brittany, Angela, Robert, Sara, Dwight and the list could go on and on. However, today, I set myself free from those people because they can no longer embarrass me or make me feel less the. them.
This gentleman I had a problem with saw a situation completely different than me, accused me of ordering him around and tried to play the victim just like all the people that I mentioned above. They talked about me behind my back like all of those people as well. My EGO was hurt because they talked about me behind my back.
When I was analyzing all of this, I started to think that it was all ridiculous that because I was embarrassed, I wanted to make this man into a bad man. I wanted to yell that he was wrong and that I was pissed because I don’t like to be micromanaged. Notice how many I’s are in the last few sentences. I wanted for this guy to say that he was sorry for putting me in the situation that I was in. I have already explained that expecting anything out of anyone is not realisitc.
When you expect out of people you cause yourself more pain. When you cause yourself more pain, start to fester with negativity. When you fester with negativity, then comes disease. I am genuinely a nice guy, but I am also human. I make mistakes. I also hurt people just by being who I am.
We all do this. We all harbor an embarrassment that we suffered from a long time ago. This will happen over and over until you decide that it’s time for this cycle to end. You will hurt people and retaliate. You will lose friendships. The next time you get upset sit with yourself and try to find out what is really making you upset. Most of the time it will be because when you were 5 years old you didn’t get your way and you are still mad about it.