Day 4: Time to Rock It

When I returned home for a visit in April 2018, I was ready to take on classes on a larger scale.  I felt confident that I had something to teach and that I could be receptive enough to learn something from my students as well.  My self practice was constant I was able to teach and demonstrate simultaneously.  This was a huge milestone.  

I set out to not only teach elementary children but the entire Bessie Ellison Elementary School.  This was a school of about 650 children.  I have never met such patience and kind children in all my life.  I set up classes again next to the Pony Espresso, had a regular spot for several weeks at IMYOGA, gave a final exam to a yoga class at Missouri Western State University and I was in a great mental space.

I got the idea to create a yoga subscription service through my website so I could reach more people.  After all, I have the skill set to coach nutrition, asanas, pranayama and life.  Sounds like a lot but it will take a lot to help change this world.  I started thinking about the larger picture and fell more into what was possible in this life than the limits that it possesses.  This was huge to me because living in this space was something I aspired to do not to actually live.  

Watching my student progress and get stronger.  Watching them celebrate their victories of being able to hold a pose or to even complete a class was the reward.  Money has never been a motivator for me but change always has.  Even in my Marketing job, it was more rewarding to work with local charities than to actually share what was going on in the shop.  See a community be shaped and formed from action is a motivator.  To have a skill that helps change the world and peoples’ lives and the fact that it makes money is an added bonus.  

At the end of my final class with my Pony Espresso students, I cried because I became attached to the feeling of progress and being needed.  I became attached to all the people that came every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  I remember one class, I said, ”Let’s see if we can make sunshine, ” and we did.  It was one of the most beautiful moments in my life.   

That trip home solidified my dreams of teaching and made me a better human.  It changed me in so many ways. 

Day 3: Strength and Determination

As I started practicing regularly, my body was getting stronger and my mind was as well.  There were times I wanted to give up.  There were times when I didn't want to practice.  There were times when a piece of chocolate cake was more important than progress on my body weight.  The guilt was subsiding and the determination started to shine.

It wasn't until March of 2018 that I felt comfortable in teaching a room full of people.  So, I got the  privilege of teaching at Nancy Goode’s space next to the Pony Espresso and taught a workshop with Miranda Huffman  at Veronica Hupp’s IMYOGA.  I taught a class and lead a pranayama workshop for freshman athletes at Missouri Western State University as well.  I taught office yoga for the Chamber of Commerce in St Joseph, MO.  I felt completely in my element like the universe and my being aligned.  I helped students of all types be present to their breath and mind.  We took an approach to yoga several hadn't taken before.  They all welcomed me with open arms just as the universe had.   

I was still trying to figure out teaching and was shedding all of my insecuries of my body and my skill level.  Secretly, I'm terrified to be in front of people but I love it.  So many thoughts ran through my head but I was able to be present, let them go and lead a successful series of classes.  I had studied to be a teacher but had never been in front of an entire class of minds ready to learn from me.  

When I first started college, I wanted nothing more than to be a music educator.  Several life lessons and many wrong decisions later, I was discouraged from doing that but I never gave up on being a leader.  It was like I had a constant reminder that I was put on this planet for a higher purpose. This has been a downfall and a blessing at times. Even now, I have moments of doubt but they don't last too long before those thoughts are washed away like sand after a wave on the beach.  I don't regret the wrong choices made because regardless of them being right or wrong, they lead me to other lessons that I would not have received otherwise. 

After a month of getting to taste the potential and opportunity that was to come, I returned to India and started to practice again.  I learned that continuing my practice is just as, if not more, important than teaching itself.  I met a Andrea who afforded me the opportunity of teaching for her on the Marriott property while she was away in Brazil. She is a very kind and generous lady.  She even speaks with a tone of kindness in her voice.  This is what started my teaching journey within Mumbai.

To be continued....  

Day 2: Wasn’t Ready

After graduating from The Yoga Institute in March 2017, I was ready to start teaching right away… Not really. I immediately went back to the US and thought I would try out my new found skills and knowledge. It's amazing how the ego wants to sing when it has a lot to say.  However, out of fear, I decided to wait before getting in front of a room full of students.

Instead, I practiced everyday for a year with as many instructors and in as many studios as I could.  Several teacher’s inspire my teaching to this day. Yash Tonga with The Yoga Institute Indore, Deepak Pandeyji with ANAND Yoga, Rahul Ramola with The Yoga Institute Powai, Iftekhar Ahmed Farooqui with ISVA Yoga Academy and Ajinkya Meher with Ajinkya Meher Yoga are just a few of the teachers that molded my teaching style and the person that I am today.

Every one of them is uniquely different from each other in personality and teaching style.  The one thing that binds them is purpose.  The are not trying to make yoga bodies. They are in the business of transforming lives because it is their dharma or duty.  They are vessels that show you a road to freedom of the mind.

I sat in their classes and workshops like a sponge soaking in everything they had to say.  I started to be present to my body while it was relaxing during asana practice.  I started to hear my mind quiet down the thoughts of self-doubt and sabotage.  I started to just be.

To be continued…

It's Time for My Life to Start

We all can listen to the podcasts.  We can all watch the same free online content about how to make your dream life happen.  We all love hearing about the things we need to do, but very seldom to we take action on those very things to better our own lives.  Are we content with what we have?  

I have been working with Wesley Chapman with A Human Project and my experience has been a roller coaster.  It was just last week that I had a 'lightbulb moment' and all things seemed to come together in this Big Bang.  

I have always wanted to do good things with and for people.  This was my gift and my curse. I had unconditional love but my love had conditions.  I would do things that would have these unmentioned attachments.  Some of these attachments, I wasn't aware of consciously.  So, for the past several months, I have been working on this trait of unconditional love that I thought I had mastered so long ago.  We all do this with our partners, parents, children, co-workers and anyone that we come into contact with.  I started to realize that I had no idea what unconditional love was at all, but I screamed from the mountain tops that I was unconditional love.  

Breaking apart every failed human relationship I have had in my past made me realize my fault and the part I played in the downfall of that relationship.  It is only now that I can look at these people and truly forgive them while finding a way to erase the guilt from my own heart.  The time of forgiving myself has come and gone.  Moving to a country where I know no one has made me realize that, in this world and for it to work, we all need each other.  Every one of us is a support to one another.  

I look at the reason why people hate on each other and want to hide my head in shame.  This world is a cruel place and we wonder why suicide is looked at as the only option for some.  You have to know love to know hate.  You have to know wrong to know forgiveness.  You have to know a superhero to know a villain.  

There are three reasons that you have negative feelings towards a person:

1. They have something you want (a lifestyle, a talent, etc)
2. They bring out something dark or negative that you possess (a person that is late, a person that fails to keep commitments, etc)
3. They failed to meet an expectation that you set (Most likely, you didn't tell them that expectation.)

I don't bring these things up because I am pointing a finger at anyone but myself.  I do have people that hate me, my life and my very being.  How do I let my haters affect me?  I don't.  People hate some of societies most valued figures.  As we approach Republic Day in India, I am reminded that even Ghandi, the leader of the independence of India, was shot dead because someone hated him.  He promoted peace and freedom. 

I can't speak for others, but I can speak for my own actions.  Have I always done proud by my parents?  No.  Have I let people down?  Yes.  Do I regret any of it?  No.  Everything I have done in my life has lead to a lesson in some way.  Have people been hurt by my actions?  Yes.  Have I burnt many bridges?  Yes.  Again, do I regret any of it?  No.  The stage in my life where I have started letting all this go has begun.  

Life really is as simple as we want to make it.  We need more kindness in the world.  We need more compassion.  We need more change.  The world is already changing all around us everyday. Are you part of that change?  - or - Are you leading the change in your own life?  

If your answer is no to both of those questions, it's time for your own life to start.  Unfortunately, in reality, no one is going to kick start your life for you.  The time is now.  

The Bare Necessities

In India, I have needed very little compared to the things I thought important in the United States.  An abundance of clothing, a refrigerator and cabinets full of food and all sorts of material possessions were necessities.  I have realized that all of those things are not needed for happiness or even security. 

Soon, I will be taking a voyage with just a camping pack to multiple countries.  That is all I will have for an entire month.  I have been thinking very hard about what I will fill that bag with.  What is completely necessary? 

Is underwear completely needed?  If so, how many pairs do you pack for an entire month?  Do I leave room to collect things along the way on my trip?  How many Apple chargers do I need to bring?  Do I pack shorts or pants?

I find the people here fastinating because of their need for less stuff.  They don't even need more space.  500 sq ft is considered a nice-sized apartment.  This takes me back to my days of living in California where my first apartment was the same size. However, the population of San Francisco is far less.   

After looking at all these questions that flooded my mind, I came to the realization that I need none of these things.  Yes, I do need clothes but not a different outfit for every day of the week.  There will be places to do laundry.  Also, as I have learned during my stays in Goa, clothes wash in the sink too.  Do I need to pack underwear at all?  No.  

When you strip away all these things that we think we 'need', you come to know that you don't really need any of these things at all.  In this day and age, there are stores where you can get what you forgot or need on the road or the train.  Some items are available on the train itself or in an airport.   

Ok, a toothbrush and toothpaste are two items that I know for sure I will be tagging along with me.  I can't stand fuzzy teeth.  It must be known that I find it pointless to wear deodorant in India.  I am a sweat-er and it doesn't matter how much deodorant you wear something always smells worse and more overpowering than you do.  Poor Doug.  

So, in my upcoming trip in October/November, I will be doing a series of blogs about what we actually need on many levels.  In this journey, I hope to explore, photographically and through words, the absurdity that we call needs.  

This blog series will begin October 4th, 2017.  

Moving Idle

There comes a time when you look around you and everything is a blur.  When this happens your pressence is usually absent and the joy is lost.  I am currently trying to refocus my art career.  

For the last couple of months, I have been running around on the pages of the internet researching engagement techniques for my Facebook pages and looking at other artists' websites.  You know - the whole business side of owning your own business.  At one point today, I rolled away from my desk in my chair that I am in about 7-12 hours a day and got a wide angle view of my life.   

I have been checking off certain boxes and, at times, feeling shame for not checking off others.  I have finally learned there are 24 hours in a day.  However, now, I try to cram as much into these hours as possible.  I guess, the phrase 'Excuse the motion blur' could be a mantra.  While checking off all the boxes and feeling that instant gradification we are all trained to strive for, I forgot that I was doing all this to uncover the joy that I had been missing.  After all, I am transitioning to make a career out of what I love.  

In realizing this, I had to step back and remind myself of my intentions.  If I can't be joyful while doing this, I have to ask myself "Is this something that I truly enjoy?" Or "What about this do I not find enjoyable?"  This is the beauty of redesigning your life.  I commit.   

I have faith in this process called life.  In these moments where my heart is working hard and my breath is heavy, I have to remember the only race I'm in is with myself.  So, it's time to start being present and enjoying this ride.  Otherwise, life is just one beautiful pan shot. 

A Blessing or A Curse?

When looking at all of the amazing artifacts dating hundreds of years old, I have been thinking about what will I leave behind once this life is over.  Do we leave behind things that people flock to or do we leave behind things that people run away from?  Do we leave behind a blessing or a curse?

Statues of Gods and Goddesses, relics and stories handed down by mouth alone are all things that I am learning about in the cultural richness of this great country of India.  History is something that the people here are surrounded by constantly.  I am often asked why my fascination leads me to take numerous pictures of such ordinary things that the Indian people treat as common as a park bench.  Perhaps, this is what we do with things in our own lives.

When was the last time you looked at your mother and/or father and looked at them as people who wanted to leave a legacy alive inside of you?  Have you ever looked at the things that you have collected and wondered, or even appreciated, why you collected them in the first place?  Can you hear, smell or touch the exact moment when you found the item?  What was the memory that you attached to it?

We leave behind words, waste or emotions all the time and never think about it?  In other words, we are not present to our own presence.  When we leave these things behind with intention -both, positive and, unfortunately, negative, we are then an effective human being.  Are we someone that people are happy that you are coming?  Or, are we someone that people are excited to see you go?  

Negative things can be a blessing and positive things can be a curse.  Which one do you choose? 

Comment below a time in your life when you have intentionally left something behind - positive or negative.  What was the result?