Day 99: And, Repeat.

Today was a bit of a challenge. After showering and getting ready to head to Bandra at 7am, the same dog that attacked the first time has attacked again. This time she only got to Maverick. I jammed my middle knuckle on my right ring finger. Again, it happened so fast.

The giant fluffy dog was creeping up on us as Maverick and Tyson were going to the restroom. I looked back and there she was. I ran to Tyson and, by the time I could get to Maverick, she already had him in her mouth with him screaming in pain. She let him go and he laid on the ground screaming with a broken, bleeding tooth. This time he has a puncture wound on his right back leg.

This is the second time in a week that this has happened but the other dog has no clue that she is hurting my little boys. She sincerely wants to play with them. I’m afraid that opportunity has flown out the window. The owner wants to coordinate times to take the dogs out. I told him I needed to deal with the matter at hand first and we can talk about that later.

I went all the way to Mahalaxmi again for the Chihuahuas to be evaluated. Tyson’s appointment was today anyway for his checkup so I headed down there. It took about an 1.5 hours to get to the Vet Hospital. I still had blood on my leg. After waiting for some time, the vet came and looked at Maverick. They took him all the way in the back where the owners can’t go. I hate that. I just want to be there for my little guy.

I think Maverick’s going to be alright. He escaped with a missing tooth and another one loose, a puncture wound and a cut lip. He is already wanting treats and is going potty outside. I had to miss class again today and won’t be able to teach in the morning as I have to closely supervise Maverick for 24 hours. Although, I’m going to regret it later, taking this break was needed. I have gotten to catch up on my own life and check in with myself.

Day 98: Back At It

After taking several days off from my schooling to be with my little dogs during their recovery, I noticed several old bad habits trying to creep in.  It is easy to fall back into old habits when stress and time are in abundance.  I had every intention of picking up that book and typing my anatomy notes but they stayed next to me on the couch as my remote stayed in my left hand.  I had plans of getting some stuff done over the past few days but taking care of my little babies, Maverick and Tyson, was the highest, and only, priority.

I wanted to work on school stuff but didn’t have the motivation to actually start working.  I have this stress already forming about an exam that is still 3 months away.  I have fear of failure and fear of not performing well.  Yoga is all about going with the flow and I have been practicing this for a while now.  I have stopped worrying about time while walking my dogs.  I used to think that 30 minutes was long enough to walk the big boys but have learned that they will tell me when they are ready.  Sometimes, it takes them 45 minutes to smell and pee on everything and other times it will take 20 minutes.  This is good relaxation time for me until I have to pick up dog poop.w

Instead of homework and studying, I cuddled my little boys and made sure that I did everything that helped them get better.  I provided a space of calmness and peace for 4 days.   Honestly, my house still feels and smells like peace and relaxation.  I went long periods of time without the television on.  I laid next to them in silent just praying that they would get better and heal quickly.  The first couple of days were almost paralyzing because I couldn’t do anything but give Tyson medicine to feel better.  It was very sad at my house.

I have every device you could imagine that would make it possible to my work from anywhere but had no desire to pick them up and actually start working.  I did meditate and practice yoga asana.  I enjoy being silent.  Before class on Monday, I meditated from the time I laid down my mat to the time the teacher started class.  It was only about 15 minutes but having that mental clarity is a great way to prepare for classes that are sometimes in a different language or has a ton of foreign terms to learn.  I feel that this is why I’m already so uneasy about the exams.  There are so many terms to learn. 

While I feel as though the last several days have been spent taking care of my two little patients, all the love and affection that was given to them has paid off.  Tyson is going to the bathroom and Maverick is becoming his old self again.  It is so crazy to think a little less than a week ago, things could have turned out really bad for them.  I went through my first real crisis since the course began and I feel it helped me be calm and in the moment.  There are small subtle changes happening within me all time and they are measured by my lack of emotional reaction.  My dogs got hurt and it threw me the first night but then it turned into me judge needing to take care of my babies as if it were a duty.

Day 97: 3 Things That Will Help You Work on Patience

How many times have you been on your way home and need to stop at the grocery store?  The lines are long and you always avoid the store at this time.  You are already disturbed because you don’t want to be there in the first place.  Then, the checkout clerk has to do a price check for the customer in front of you.  Three customers behind you have a screaming toddler.  You are losing your patience when you learn that the clerk’s first day is also today.  We have the control to reign in our emotions at anytime.  Here are three ways that will help you the next time you want to storm out of the store.

1. Take Deep Breaths

While the heart rate is up, it is important to realize that your heightened emotions are a symptom of that.  Breathing deeply from your abdomen is not even recognizable.  If you patience is about completely gone, close your eyes.  Abdominal breathing has been proven to reduce any feelings of agitation.  While it may feel impossible to close your eye and mindfully breathe in the moment, taking this conscious step will help you in that next situation where you are going to explode or say something that you won’t be able to take back.  Your breath is with you always and is the best mood stabilizer you should ever need.

2. Don’t Place Blame on Anyone

Usually when we are late, we try to blame the traffic, the Uber driver or a phone mishap.  When you find yourself feeling impatient, don’t place blame on anyone, including yourself.  It is no one’s fault that it is raining outside or that some people take longer to do things than others.  When we try to place blame, we are trying to focus all of that negative energy on someone or something.  Normally, it is unwarranted because no one is at fault.  Evaporate that energy completely by placing compassion where the blame wants to go.  This will go a long way especially with the children crying and the cash registers with all their different alerts and sounds feeling like they are piercing your skull. 

3. Focus on Gratitude

While you are at the grocery store there are many families that are struggling to make ends meet.  Even if waiting in line for a really long time is annoying, start being thankful for all of the little things that allow you to be in the store in the first place.  Boredom is a devil’s den.  When we get bored we forget the very things that are at our fingertips all the time.  We take for granted that our job is going well.  So, in our routines we need to allow time as a varying factor.  An extra 10 minutes at the store means an extra ten minutes to reflect on our day or let go of the negative energy we collected at work.  Being grateful is one of the best superpowers in combating negative emotions and feelings. 

You have tools that are free at your fingertips all the time to prevent emotions of impatience.  Realizing that this feeling of impatience is a choice, sometimes helps people discover that there are other choices that could be made.  When we can do that at any point at any time, there is a radical shift in the compassion to others.  Maybe next time you get frazzled at the store because of some small children, you’ll ask that mom that is panicked over pissing everyone off if she needs help with the child or in general. 

Day 96: ‘I Want To Change’

During my childhood, change meant that my father was unhappy with something about you as a person, something in his own life that he was unhappy with or anything that was indifferent to his own views or standards. I got really good at changing certain parts about me. Later, this translated into an identity crisis because I was changing myself for everyone or any giving situation. I would agree to things that I didn’t agree with, hang around with people who didn’t value me as a person and give up anytime there was something else easier.

Many people want to change for various reason. However, my lesson from the past made change about everyone else but myself. Authenticity is the only thing that keeps you being who you are. When you lose this ability or feel trapped, are you being yourself or fitting to a situation to make life easier for someone or yourself? That’s not authenticity.

Authentic people are rare. I would say the largest group of authentic people I have met were in San Francisco while I was studying for my BFA in Fine Art. I had 6 roommates that I admired and loved very much. We all lived in a 3-bedroom apartment. It was cramped but the universe blessed me with these amazing souls. We cooked together, had tea together and shared some of life’s most intimate details. I discovered so much of myself in that apartment with my brothers and sisters.

They had no problem to change jobs or complete life paths. Besides the family that was created in Hotel Broderick, its branches extended far and wide and, now, even wider. I have a friend that is a chef all over the world and a yoga instructor, a friend that made her all the way to live in Paris and several friends living in the mountains making the most of life. They chose all of these. I heard them talk about their dreams around our dining room table. Then, I watched them come true at that same table.

So, rather than saying that you want to change other people or your environment, start changing those things within yourself. You will be surprised how much the world will seem different because of changes you made for yourself and by yourself. Instant and change are two words that don’t generally belong together if you are changing with long-term goals in mind. Long-term change is slow moving. Start with the first brick and, eventually, you have a whole house.

Day 95: 3 Ways to Keep You From Losing Your Shit

During moments of crisis, it may seem like there is not any room to breath. Often we have so many choices to make with no time to rationally think through them. There are techniques to combat this anxiety in the moment that anyone can use. These techniques may help you in a moment in crisis or just when you have a spike in your anxiety level.

1. Remember: Everything is Temporary

During times of pain or uneasiness, it is easy to forget this very simple concept. We often feel angst when we forget that any situation is not forever. Remembering this in a moment of crisis can give you the peace of mind that you need to breath and make correct choices that you won’t second guess later. Knowing that everything is temporary helps to not hold onto emotions or negative emotions towards others. I often do a negative emotions inventory to see where I can forgive and where I still have work to do. Unfortunately, this is a technique, not a magic wand. However, if you put in the work and this becomes a part of your everyday practice, you will start to notice that this thought kicks in anytime you are feeling trapped or stuck in a situation.

2. Breathe

What is something. that is cheaper than therapy and we carry around with us all the time? Our breath. It is easy to forget that breathing controls our heart rate. During moments of tension and pain, our breath rate goes up our heart rate goes up as well. There is never a situation that you can’t take a moment to breath to gather your thoughts and control you bodies’ hormonal response to your emotions. When I am upset, I eat. I eat everything in sight. When I became present to this, I started breathing instead of eating. Taking as little as two minutes every time I start to feel anxiety has helped my confidence, my emotional intelligence and kept my blood pressure down. For example, you are in a fight with your child. You notice that you are just screaming at each other. There is nothing wrong with stopping that screaming match and taking a break to breathe. This goes with coworkers, friends and other family members. Never be ashamed for need to take space and time.

3. In That Moment, Think Positive Thoughts

We have all had that boss or coworker that will take us immediately to a negative place. While the responsibility of our emotions and the way we feel about people is ultimately up to us, we need to have the strength to take ourselves out of the situation and into a positive space. I find myself doing this when expats are complaining about the way Indians work, crowd grocery lines and their systems of work processing. I have to tune it out. It happens every time you get a group of expats together with a glass of wine. I start thinking about my trips to Sri Lanka or the time that I took the train to Paris for a day to go to the Louve and see the Mona Lisa. It helps me stay in a positive space while everyone else is spewing negativity. We can often become consumed in the negativity. Then, we start to take on those emotions. Staying present in body but protecting your positivity by thinking about things that make you happy will save your mind.

We have all had those moments where we are so close to losing our shit. These three things are simple on their face but extremely hard to practice in the moment. I have been practicing for about two years now and still run into situations that don’t go textbook perfect. There will always be someone or something that bothers us as none of us live high in the Himalayan Mountains with little to desire and an abundance of silence to reflect and meditate in. Until then, we have so much at our disposal to help in these situations. Using these things will spare your mental heath even if it for the moment.

Day 94: Yelp

I celebrated last night because Maverick and Tyson ate something. Maverick has urinated but until this evening Tyson had not drank water on his own or peed. I’m so excited to see that Tyson is finally on the mend. They are both very strong dogs despite their size. I made the boys chicken and rice with carrots and zucchini. All four of the dogs ate theirs. This was Tyson’s first actual meal since Thursday.

Still, their energy is not at the level is was and Maverick yelps when you pick him up. His ribs are still bruised pretty bad as you she where the dog clamped down around his rib cage. Tyson acts like his right shoulder is hurting him. He has stopped yelping when you pick him up. Maverick’s yelp is heartbreaking. You have this animal that is less than 3 pounds yelling because he is pain. I believe he is still traumatized from when he was picked up because now he pees a little. It is heartbreaking. Tyson drank water on his own today out of the normal dog bowl. This is a victory.

Doug is also celebrating a victory in the US. His mom has had a good day as well. I guess she had a lot of visitors at the hospital and sat in a chair for several hours. The last time we chatted on video, he looked just completely exhausted. I’m so grateful for him. It makes me sad that I can’t be there with him to comfort him.

I have been focusing on my eating habit because I’m starting to see the benefits of my choice to become a vegetarian almost three months ago. I have more energy since cutting out Herbalife Tea and Yerba Mate tea. I have not had coffee in almost two years. My body is a work in progress that requires daily care, maintenance and love. I’m starting to put food that is prepared with this same care in my body and it is paying off.

Tomorrow starts a new week. I will be doing a meditation workshop on Thursday, Friday and Saturday with The Art of Living to learn a new meditation technique. I’m excited for this because after this past week, I’m sure that I will need it.

Day 93: Tired

Day 2 of watching over my babies, Maverick and Tyson.  They have been in so much pain today.  Tyson hasn’t peed or pooped since the incident.  This whole experience has made me see the importance in being gentle in all things in life.  At first it showed up as stress because in the lack of the amount of calm that I create in my life. 

I kept the television off for hours with no music.  I usually have one or the other playing at all times.  All the televisions play CNN.  Then, I either forget that CNN is playing or I turn it off and discover new music.  However, today I sat in long swaths of silence and it was beautiful. 

Doug’s mom had a bad night in the hospital in Springfield, MO.  She had gall bladder surgery, started to recover and was readmitted to the hospital by ambulance.  It is so good that he is there with her.  During this stressful time, it is really nice to be able to notice the small things and be calm in the middle of a huge storm.  I am coming out on the end feeling blessed. 

There are so many things to be grateful for.  I was able to take my dogs to have veterinarian care and they are starting the process of recovery.  Doug is able to be with his mother and sister during this difficult time and to make sure that all of them are ok.  I got to have moments of complete silence and use this horrible situation and turn it into good.  All things are as they are meant to be. 

I was presented with this challenge of taking care of two seriously injured doggies and have managed to keep my shit together.  I create space for the dogs to heal in a loving, caring and calm environment.  I don’t expect for them to love me as they probably have no clue what that even means but I am attached to them very much. 

Day 92: Dog Attack

Last evening, while walking my two Chihuahuas, a bigger, fluffy dog came to play with them. We have seen this dog before and they have all gotten along fine. This time, however, the other dog really wanted to play. First, he grabbed Maverick and bit down on his ribcage. Then, he picked up Tyson and ran about 8 meters with him. Maverick has escaped from the incident with bruised ribs. Tyson has two puncture wounds. They are both really sore and traumatized.

During this incident, I was completely in shock that it was all happening and so fast. Just as I had picked up Maverick who was yelping, the other dog ran towards Tyson, picked him up and put him down just before the steps to the restaurant. The other dog was innocently playing with my dogs but it resulted in going to the vet. This is a 1.5 hour journey.

The veterinary hospital I went to was familiar with my dogs already because our regular veterinary office is in the same chain, Crown Vet. Tyson’s foot had swollen double the size of his regular foot. The staff was friendly and the assistant I worked with was very friendly and very calming for my pets and myself. I was panicking because the poor guys were so sore. I have been keeping the apartment silent so that the little guys can relax and try to start the process of healing.

The other dog was being a two year old fluffy dog. How many times are we being the fluffy dog? How many times have you been ‘just playing’ but in the meantime hurt someone’s feelings? Our intentions are never to intentionally hurt someone. However, I bet most of us are not present to when we say things we don’t mean and hurt anyway.

There are no distractions of sound from the television or speaker on a Friday evening. I feel that my anxiety of the trauma that happened has worn me out as well. I did not go to class today and miss a lot of information on the Endocrine system. I am not teaching classes in the morning. I am using this time to create a space of rest and relaxation.

Day 91: If I Only Could Means That I Should

I have been actively practicing the art of being present for several years now.  This allows for me to be spontaneous and do whatever I feel is right in the moment.  Looking back, not practicing this has had several consequences in my life.  Do you ever do something because you feel it is your role to perform those duties?  Have you ever felt that you need to speak up where your opinion is not the most popular?  Holding back and not giving space to those feelings or opinions can impact you more than you know.  Here are three ways that holding back is affecting the self.

1. You Hold On to Emotions in The Muscles

If you have ever had a moment where you know that speaking up wasn’t the most popular thing to do and chose not to, did you notice tension headaches and muscle soreness in your shoulders and neck?  When we say that we have a gut feeling about something, it is usually literally that our abdomen is tight and flexed.  The same applies to ‘butterflies’ in our stomach.  When we speak up or ‘vent’ it out, the muscles relax and you no longer carry those suppressed emotions in your body.  

2. You Don’t Breathe to Your Full Capacity

When our mind is disturbed so is our breath.  Taking long, deep inhalations is important for concentration, mental awareness and overall mood.  When we are upset or feel stifled, we literally suffocate ourselves by taking shallower breaths by breathing into the smallest section of the lungs, clavicular breathing.  This doesn’t get oxygen to the deepest part of the lung like we do when we are breathing into our abdomen.  Don’t deprive yourself and your brain of air.  Take deep breaths in so that you have the courage to speak about what is on your mind. 

3. No One is Invisible  

We have all had those moments where we wish we could disappear into the background.  The truth is that this is impossible.  Any emotions that we have can’t be hidden on the face.  After tasting something horrible, we can’t hide our disgust on our faces no matter how hard we try.  So, why do we try?  We all have reasons but mostly we are trying to not insult or hurt someone’s feelings.  Often in classroom settings, constructive criticism is feared because students don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  When we are not giving that feedback, it hurts the student in the long run. 

None of us are exempt when it comes to suppressing words or feelings, but know what affects this has on the body is important for your awareness and never use words as weapons. When you are not speaking out with mindfulness you can’t blame a situation or person for not voicing your opinion.  You responsibility for your actions is owned by you which, for the most part, has no negative affect on the body unless it is done to harm someone.  This is this idea of karma, but that’s a whole different conversation.  For now, focus on being authentic because nine times out of ten people say, ‘I wish I could’, when we had the power to do so all along. 

Day 90: Reflect

Back in 2004, I used to be so depressed because I knew that life had so much to offer than what I was getting in a community where the art world is almost nonexistent.  I had all of these talents but nowhere to put them.  Naturally, I found myself in the world where everyone that is bored and more ambitious than their surroundings, drugs. Drugs were the thing that made everything ok because I wasn’t focused on my lack of anything except for the next score.  How do people end up this way?

During high school, I was the least likely to turn out the way that I did.  I had tried alcohol and marijuana but I was too afraid of my parents and getting trouble to make getting high or drunk a habit.  I was drum major and, ironically, drug free superstar for 1998.  During college, I tried new things and started to notice a downward spiral all the way until my eventual move back to my hometown.  Community leaders should be aware of the things that lead people to drugs before they judge the person that once had dreams of doing good in the world.

When people are trying to do their best, failure can cause a mental meltdown.  Failure can show up in life many different ways.  A failed marriage because someone cheated, a bad grade on an exam, a failed attempt at creating a stable household or a strict working father that wasn’t aware of his actions or words can lead to the a person not feeling worthy of life itself.  If you have ever been down a dark path in life, you know that something triggered that series of actions taking them away from their dreams.

We often blame the person that is on drugs for their addictions.  This is true to a certain extent but aren’t we all responsible for the way we treat others?  Are we not all reliant on each other in this world?  So, isn’t it fair to say that someone’s drug addiction is our problem as well?  Somewhere along the way, something happened to that person to where they wanted to feel numb.  We all deserve kindness regardless of circumstance or stage of life we are in.  

I’m happy that my life has turned out the way that it did.  I eventually got on a path of helping others after a lot of working on myself, becoming stable and realizing that I am worthy of life and anything that comes my way.  I learned that the actions that others took were just because they were dealing with their own stuff.  They lacked the understanding because they didn’t feel able or didn’t have to energy to help.  We all have things that we are not proud of in our past, but if you look at these things as blessings instead of regret the world becomes a brighter place full of possibilities.

Day 89: 3 Ways to Add Peace to Your Life

Everyone these days is talking about meditation and mindfulness, but many of them are on a marketing jargon bandwagon.  I have been listening to podcasts and reading inspirational materials routinely for the last 3 years.  I have met some of these top bloggers and influencers and, I have to admit, most of them are phony and have no idea what a peaceful life looks like.  Most of them are talking about meditation and mindfulness because they have been following marketing trends. 

One example, a man that supposedly had a successful podcast talked about going to a meditation retreat and expected alcohol to be there and couldn’t stay there even a full day.  This man did meditation on his podcasts and lead people on these adventures in finding themselves.  In reality, he targeted people that had money, had family/marital problems and lured them in using buzz words that reeled them in.  Unfortunately, for him and several others in that circle, they are all grasping at straws now.  I wonder how peaceful their lives are?

1. Be Authentic

There are not many things in the world anymore that are real.  Our fruits and vegetables are genetically modified.  Even organic produce can’t be trusted.  We see successful people on the internet with high rankings on Google or iTunes.  I see, firsthand, that all of their reviews are fake and paid for.  Anyone can say that they have been on ABC, NBC, and CNN without any repercussions.  These ‘influencers’ can be on TedTalks, be a complete fraud and people will still pay thousands to work with them.  I say this because I witnessed this and started to learn that I had nothing to lose by being completely truthful and authentic next to these guys.  If you want to learn more about my experience please read Day 5: A Lesson. 

With all the lying that is happening digitally, it really pays to be honest with your potential clients.  Show the photos of your belly sticking out, don’t hesitate to hit post on that truthful and heartfelt blog entry and don’t use filters.  Beware of the person that posts pictures of herself with her Starbucks cup, perfect hair and makeup preaching to you that being real is important because, most likely, she’s plastic as well.  Watch out for that guy that brags about getting the video in one take because he probably spent all morning trying to get his hair right or get the correct manipulative words for you to click on that button.

2. Be Unapologetic

Most people take this wrong.  I’m not saying to never apologize when you are wrong.  I’m saying the opposite, never apologize when you know that you are right or doing the right thing.  While the others are sweating whatever is wrong in this situation, you will still find peace because that is their problem.  When I was scammed out of thousands of dollars, I never received an apology from Wesley for being completely fake and phony.  Instead, I got a message saying to never contact him and his wife again.  I would take it all back if he proved that he wasn’t a fraud but that call has yet to come and probably never will.  This is the same thing that happened when a friend stole a shampoo bowl from me and then threatened me with a restraining order when I showed up at her work to calmly ask her when I could expect to get my money back.  She lost it and started acting irrational when I told her I would wait to talk to her until she was done with a client.  People don’t know how to act when you aren’t afraid of them and when you aren’t sorry for that realization.

3. Know When to Give the White Flag

There is no rule book in life saying that you have to like everyone or have everyone like you.  When you see red flags from another person, know when it’s time to put up your white flag and respectfully ‘peace’ out.  As soon as you see the first red flag, your intelligence knows exactly what to do but we choose to not listen and be ‘nice’.  The title of this blog post is not - 3 Ways to Add Nice-ness to Your Life.  If you want to add peace to your life you have to cut out everything that does not bring you peace.  Nothing is off limits.  Adding peace could include cutting ties with that family member that is always negative, not going to that social function that you really don’t want to go to, learning to say ‘NO’ anytime you don’t want to do something and stop giving away your talents for free.  Life will certainly go on when you are not a part of the vicious cycle of negativity.  The people that you are associated with that bring you feelings of negativity will find others to cling to.  Save yourself the disappointment and stop the cycle on your own before it’s too late.

You want to add peace to your life but you are cheating on your girlfriend or boyfriend.  You want to add peace to your life but you can’t tell the truth.  Your peace in your life so bad that you are reaching out to people and gossiping about someone else.  Does any of this sound familiar?  If it does, your problems are most likely within.  It never hurts to reevaluate your surroundings, situations and social circles and choose something different.  You are in control of your life.  If you are wanting peace in your life, you need to ask yourself why you are not giving that to yourself.  You are worthy of the peace you seek.

Day 88: What Yoga Is Pt. 2

After yesterday’s post, I thought I would continue by explaining what yoga is.  Yoga is a lifestyle.  It is something that exists outside of the yoga studio.  When you grasp even a fraction of what yoga is, there is no separation between the world and you.  You can’t deny the duality of this existence.  Yoga is simplified but provides an answer to any question with certainty and understanding. Yoga will never make you feel stupid yet make you realize that you have a pattern of thinking that is telling yourself that you are stupid.   

Space is something I keep reading about on Apple News.  Yoga Journal and other bloggers are asking the question about the ability of Teacher Trainings to teach students about this concept of taking space or commanding presence in a room.  As I understand it, taking space is the ability to lead or instruct in such a way that the dance between the yoga student and teacher is harmonious and graceful.  Taking space is what an emcee does at an event.  The teacher does this without ego but has the natural ability to get your attention.  

Yoga is your food.  Yogi’s follow a sattvic diet.  They eat foods that have high levels of prana or life energy.  They are vegetarians, the nice, friendly kind.  The food is made with love so much so that the person eating this food feels the love inside of it.  To compare, the restaurants in my hometown rarely have someone that is putting love into the food.  I have never made this correlation until it was discussed in a class.  Eating food that has joy in it can affect your mood?  It seems like such a simple association but we just don’t apply our minds in that way because, again, we are focusing on consuming.

Yoga is being mindful of what you do in every aspect. I had a yoga teacher once that said that he was present to walking on the grass and that even that act was going against ahimsa. His foot was harming the grass by walking on it. This is something that we do every day. This is something that I look forward to every day. My feet are bare in the grass as I walk my dogs. Practicing ahimsa by taking notice of the way that you walk. Being present to the energy being taken from you as you sit directly on the ground without a barrier. Things like not placing books directly on the ground or touching them with your feet become mindful acts in everyday life.

Yoga is so much more than a group exercise class. Yoga is a way of life that you can choose or not choose. You can pick parts of it that work for you or follow the 8 limb path to liberation. Either way, yoga will be there and not judge you. You will find comfort in the love and non-judgment that you bring to yoga. I started this journey as looking for a new path in life. Yoga provided not only a new path in life but a new life altogether.

Day 87: What Yoga Is Pt. 1

As I am learning what yoga is according to Indian Tradition, I find it interesting to see what the west and capitalism has turned yoga into.  Some techniques are not even touched upon as, for the most part, yoga has been turned into a fitness workout.  As a practicing yogi, I cannot say or judge someone for their thoughts.  However, I can say that they are missing out on the large benefits by looking at yoga through such a small scope.  

In comparison, yoga looks different on one side of the world than the other and particularly in India.  A common misconception is that asana is just one aspect of yoga.  As outlined by the 8 limbs of yoga, asana is actually the third step or limb.  We completely skip over the first two limbs in America for the first part.  Again, I am not saying this is wrong.  However, it is doing such a disservice to the students as we are expecting them to come through the front door with the Yamas and Niyamas as a given. 

When looking at the west we have to look at the materialism.  American life and widely around the world is that we live to consume.  We consume everything - knowledge, food, clothing, electronics, literally everything.  For example, while examining Asteya, one forgets that stealing material goods is wrong but so is stealing someone’s credit for a job well done or their joy.  I feel like as an American, I lack the openness that so many in this world possess naturally.  I am not above this as I type this on my iPad Pro, listening to music on my Bose headphones from my iPhone and receiving text notifications on my Apple Watch.  

In an hour, we have to provide the space for our students to become present in the class, warm their bodies up, give them a workout where they feel challenged and relax them down.  When I first started to come to India, I used to think it was weird that some classes didn’t end with Shavasana.  Then, I took on the mindset that every asana is Shavasana.  Now, I’m completely grateful when a teacher takes Shavasana because it taught me that not everything is given in life.  Sometimes, you have to take that relaxation with you or go home and take Shavasana for yourself.  

It is a different world on this side of the Earth.  During this weekend, Doug and I looked at possibilities of what it would look like to open a yoga teaching center in Puerto Rico.  There are so many things possible at the end of the year and I am enjoying this process.  It feels so good to see that hard work really does pay off in the end.  I put out into the universe 3 years ago that I wanted to see the world and it is happening in ways that I couldn't even have imagined.

Day 86: Disconnection

 Over the past several years, I have been learning about the power of disconnecting.  I am, by nature, drawn to people and people seem to be drawn to me.  However, what is nature is not always law.  I answer friends questions at all hours of the day and night when they have fallen on hard times.

Recently, I have noticed that the only people I talk to on a regular (daily) basis is my mom, my boyfriend and my dear friend Pieter.  This used to be upsetting because I tried to connect with everyone close to me daily for a couple of months.  I was expecting a reply. We all know that expectations lead to pain and misery.  So, I stopped wearing myself out to make sure that my friends and those close to me know that I love them.  They should know that I love them because every time they are in a situation where they need someone, I’m the one they call or message.  This all goes back to being enough or my fear of not being enough.

So, the process of disconnecting began not out of a reaction but a natural response to avoid pain and sadness.  I started with my family first.  My father is not a talker and he says that he doesn’t like to message or email.  I respect that.  He is my father so regardless of the length of time we go without speaking I don’t need to be the one to reach out first all the time.  There is some effort required to be a part of my life.  My brother and sister and their beautiful children don’t communicate with me near as often as I wished but they are busy with baseball,  wrestling and visitation schedules.  I try to spend as much time with them as possible.  To some it may look like I’m absent but I know that when I am with them I am present making memories for those times when the silence is deafening.  

When I am disconnecting, I don’t feel good or bad about it because it is my life and my feelings that usually get hurt.  I have all these friends and have had none come visit in the past 2 1/2 years.  This is despite how many said they would.  My own father hasn’t come to visit me so friends not coming to visit doesn’t hurt that much.  I am disconnecting not because I hate people or love people but to let them and myself be free. The road to freedom is a two-way street.  I can’t be free until all of my friends and family are free from my expectations and assumptions.  It doesn’t hurt to let people lie to me.  It doesn’t hurt for people to use me if my heart is clean.  It doesn’t require any more or less energy to not be around and find my own happiness.  

While most people see disconnecting as a response, I see it as the keys to my emotional and mental freedom.  I am feeling less and less like I need hold people accountable to their word.  I feel empowered to seek what truly makes me happy.  I feel finally ready to give myself the permission to love me for me.   

Day 85: 3 Ways to Relax When You Need To

The latest trend in Health & Lifestyle is relaxation, but does anyone know what true relaxation is? Many people believe that relaxation is going out for a few beers or partying. Relaxation is way easier than you may think. Watching The Game of Thrones doesn’t technically count as relaxation because it is stimulating the brain. Think about that next time you have binge-watched a series on Netflix on a Sunday and feel complete exhausted when you report to work on Monday. Here are three ways to literally turn off and, finally, relax.

1. Do a Mobile Detox for a Day

While this may seem very obvious, this is really hard for some people as mobile and social media addiction is on the rise. Every time we see a notification on our mobile, the notification triggers a response in the brain. It can be either negative or positive. Regardless, most notifications are just that because the require some sort of response. Does anyone remember the days when we didn’t have cell phones and we still took road trips? Turn the mobile off for one day. You can announce it on social media like most do or just disappear for a day digitally. This will give you more to talk about when you meet up with those real ‘friends’ and interact face-to-face.

2. Spend a Few Hours Just Breathing

We breathe constantly in order to stay alive. How many times in your entire life have you ever consciously and gratefully just focus on your breath. You can do this in your home or out in nature. Turn off anything that could distract you. That means that you can also do this while you are on a Mobile Detox mentioned above. You can even lay down for this in any comfortable position. Force yourself just to lay there observing your abdomen going up and down as you breath in and out. If you fall asleep, that’s ok. (Make sure you are in a safe environment to do so.) This will allow you to slow down the thoughts in the mind as well as bring a sense of being to you. With life being on automation so much these days something like this seems so hard but it’s not. It laying down and breathing, but when was the last time you did this?

3. Listen to Classical Music

If you absolutely need a digital source to relax, classical music has been proven to boost creativity and concentration but did you know that it also slows down the heart rate. Soothing piano or strings can actually affect your mood also. You can sit in a room or go out for a walk. Walking and allowing the music to provide the soundtrack will make you more present to your environment. You may notice the neighbors new flowerbed that you drive by every morning without notice. You may notice the blooms on a tree you have never seen before. You may experience the breeze running through your hair. The catch is that you need to turn your mobile into an iPod by switching to airplane mode so that you don’t get distracted.

Relaxation is a conscious effort to disconnect and recharge the body. There are so many instances in life today that this is not done for long spans of time. This leaves us moody, exhausted and, the worst, on autopilot. When you take the time to experience true relaxation you will feel better than any workout and have more energy than any amount of sleep can give you.

Day 84: Sick Day

Even superheroes have days where they feel completely exhausted and unable to go out into the world.  I call these days reset days.  I literally do nothing as my body is already telling me that I have done too much already.  I try to eat good food as eating doesn’t even sound like a good idea.  These days are usually accompanied by a migraine, body aches and overall exhaustion.  Today was one of those days for me.  

Since Sunday’s sighting of a cobra, I have been dreaming about snakes and waking up at weird hours of the night.  This morning I woke up with 4 dogs moving around the bed and had to pee.  I finished my business in the bathroom and the snagged my second toe under the door.  My toenail instantly turned purple.  I also had a migraine going from my shoulders all the way up and around to my forehead.  I drank some water thinking that maybe I was dehydrated.  This proved to be ineffective.

At 4am, I woke up again and was sweating.  I was running from a snake in my dream that was incredibly fast and I could make any sounds out of my mouth.  I had to inform Rahul sir that I would not be talking any of my morning classes.  After tossing and turning for about and hour and a half from feeling miserable, I chugged some more water.  It felt almost like I was hungover but I never drink alcohol on the weekends, if at all.  I watched some documentaries on Netflix.  One was about a Murder in Hawaii and the other was about a marching band famous from the movie, Drumline. 

i finally  got the energy to get a massage with an herbal bun. It was fantastic. My energy was low already and, after the massage, I was completely done. I came home, turned on Netflix again and fell asleep by 7:30pm. I woke up once at midnight, at 2am and finally just gave up at 4:30am.

I learned a valuable lesson in all of this: Take care of yourself. I have been running nonstop for several months now and have not taken the time to mindfully rest. I know when my body needs to rest and I have to honor that any time it tells me to do so. Drinking all the water in the world, eating all the right food and practicing asanas and pranayama won’t won’t ever replace the rest that my body needs.

Day 83: The 3 Ways to Deal with Conflict

Conflict is part of everyday life.  We have conflicts with our children, our coworker and within ourselves.  In today’s day and age, conflict is looked down upon and people who confront this conflict are looked at as complainers.  It is unhealthy to hold on to negative emotions but it is also toxic spew negative energy at someone.  Where is this happy medium?  

I have had many conflicts ranging from being removed from a community theatre board, being taken advantage of by a person representing himself to be a saint, had a friend directly steal from me and conflicts with family members.  Do I let these experiences hinder my life?  No.  Do these people have any power over me?  Perhaps. I work hard to release myself from the negativity but running away from negativity only brings it closer to you.  Through my life experience, I noted three things that help me move on from conflict.

1. Decide if the conflict is worth confronting.

In today’s world, everyone gets offended at anything.  I’m not invalidating someone’s opinion, however, I feel that we have put on our sensitive hats a little too tight.   Follow the rule:  if it’s not nice, don’t say it.  This is different when I see someone abusing another person or I am witness to some sort of injustice.  Deciding if a conflict is worth confronting is a personal choice.  The word ‘choice’ should not be looked over.    

‘If you are fuming over something that someone said, something on social media or in your local news, take a moment to acknowledge why this disturbs you.  Most of the time, I try to ‘sleep on it’.  If I wake up the next morning still feeling emotions of negativity, I decide to confront it so that I can start the process of letting it go.  If I’m not thinking about it, with mindfulness, I let it go so that I don’t save it for the next time I run into a conflict with the same person.  I don’t gossip about this so that I can process my emotions on my own.  Most of the time, the person that you are in the conflict with has moved on or has no idea that they cause a conflict in the first place.

2. Meditate on Your Feelings

With social and work schedules, taking time to think about our feelings isn’t a very high priority.  It is important to separate the behavior from the person.  Also, looking at what really happened in an event-by-event sort of timeline will help you to understand where the seed of conflict started to germinate.  When we do this the conflict becomes manageable and more simplistic. 

Understanding our emotions and the triggers that set off ones of a negative nature is helpful in emotional intelligence and maturity.  If you have time, sit in a  quiet room and start to observe your breath.  Once your breath is slow and deep, start to replay the events that happened in the mind like watching a movie.  When we are watching what happened, we can normally see things that we couldn’t see when we were in that moment.  Presence of mind will help you achieve clarity.  This will help you in your communication and confidence when you need to confront that coworker or family member. 

3. Forgiving and Forgetting

While we often say that we forgive and forget, it is rare that we honestly forgive someone.  Forgiving someone is actually forgetting what we need to forgive them for in the first place.  When you say, ‘Yes, I forgave that person.’  recalling the incident in which you forgave them in the first place.  This is not forgiveness.  This is why forgiving and forgetting go together.

You hear people say that it is easy to forgive but harder to forget.  If they haven’t forgotten, haven’t forgiven.  We all have those horrible experiences that we can remember like it happened yesterday.  These can be experiences all the way from childhood.  These emotions are harbored in our cells at a molecular level.  For healthy cells, work on getting rid of these emotions not for the sake of getting rid of them but to make you a healthier person on a cellular level. 

Conflict sucks.  There is no other way to say it.  No one wakes up in the morning and says that they can’t wait to piss someone off or make someone’s day horrible.  I used to think that there were a group of people that did exactly this.  After years of working on myself, even those people have become human to me.  They all have their reasons or no reasons at all.  We can’t control other people’s actions or words, but we can control our own.  If we spew out positivity and forgiveness, think of what this world would look like.

Day 82: Changing a Mindset

When starting to get in a funk or starting to take a negative view of the world, it is always helpful for me to be present to that mindset and notice the choice I make while having that mindset. We make choices based off our frame of mind all the time. Our mindset says a lot about our view on life and our character. While it takes time, the best part about a mindset is that it can change. Here are a few steps I have taken to change my mindset over the past couple of years.

1. Remembering that Everything is Temporary

While in a horrible situation, it may seem that the walls have come crashing down. In reality, they have only been torn down temporarily. If you want to rebuild them, who’s stopping you? Everything from our thoughts to our body itself is temporary. With this in mind, the impermanence of life is really freeing. Since nothing can last forever, what is stopping you from making that career change at 40 years old? You’ve been hurt so many times so you don’t have the want to have a social life anymore. Secretly, you blame a group of people for not wanting to venture out and have a great time meeting new people. These people are temporary as well so don’t let them affect your decisions and mindset about a group of people, an organisation or entire town.

2. Be Clear on What You Want

Clarity is sometimes the distance between a millionaire and beggar. In my travels, I have noticed that the people who have more are miserable and the people who have less are completely happy. Some of these people chose happiness so that resulted in money being less. Others have chosen money because they think it will make them happy. The person that chose happiness specifically chose that and the person who chose money thought that would be the means of something else. Clearly, if you know what you want, state it, write it down and envision it. When people say they want world peace, I always challenge them by asking them what are they willing to do to make sure that happens. Many have no clear idea of how world peace happens due to the broad scope that encompasses. Be clear, make a checklist and make it happen.

3. Spend Time Working on Change

In the land of Facebook and Instagram, people share quotes all the time to inspire people. Most of the time people are so addicted to that instant feelings of happiness that they move on to the next quote. In some cases, people reading something inspiring and forget it about 2 minutes later. They don’t meditate on those words to let them really sink in. The manager that spews positive quotes everyday but then yells at the assistant because the coffee is horrible. Sound familiar? In order to change you have to spend time working specifically on the change that you want to make. You want to be more kind? Then what acts of kindness have you done in that last several days? When was the last time that you gossiped about someone to a close friend? That’s not very kind. Bring change is being that change and putting that change into action in every facet of your life.

When it comes to changing a mindset, it does take time. When we balance time with effort, the changes will come guaranteed. The road to change is different for everyone. Being persistent, clear and free will help you to be your authentic self. Being able to be yourself without any apology will ignite a fire under you to set another thousand fires by inspiring those around you to do the same. Enjoy today and know that tomorrow you have the choice to be the person that you want to be not the person you feel you have to be.

Day 81: Becoming Unstoppable

About 10 years ago, we all remember wishing that we had the energy of a 7-10 year old. It is true that after 40 the body starts slow down a little but did you know that there is a way that you can remain unstoppable. Let’s say that you have figured out what you want to in life and you have settled into a house, are married and have 2.5 kids. In what areas do you feel you had more energy or more of yourself to give?

I like to look at areas that I get comfortable in and then make new choice. I love anything that is comfortable. This is why I love yoga. You are never comfortable or uncomfortable, the goal is to maintain a steady mind but a steady mind is not going from point A to point B in one straight line. I want to share some things that could possibly help anyone that wants to start to feel unstoppable.

1. Start a Routine

Routines can be a very helpful tool when trying to figure out what it is that is draining you or useless to you in your daily activities. I started to notice how much Netflix I was watching in a week or even in a single day. I started turning the television off while I working on projects or things that required my attention. I came to the realization that my mind was constantly trying to do two things at once. Once I finished the project or during breaks, I noticed that I was mentally more tired than I had began.

You have theoretically 16 hours to fill with all sorts of things with room for exactly 8 hours of sleep. How much of your day to fill with nonsense or things that literally work against you in your goals and what you want to achieve? I started writing everything that I was doing down in a journal listing the times that I did those things. Writing all your activities will bring to light certain triggers that you are feeling at certain times.

2. Eat Right

I am constantly worried about my weight and what the right thing to eat is. Several months ago, a friend of mine gave me a list of foods to eat and avoid as per my body type. I noticed that I was eating many foods that were not good for me. I have also cut down significantly on my meat consumption, maybe once every 2 weeks. I have been eating eggs every morning as a source of protein because lentils have not been doing for me. So, more power to the people that have cut out even eggs. Thinking of food as fuel instead of comfort helps you be more satisfied with what you eat.

Many, if not all nutritionist, will tell you that a balanced meal is one with carbohydrates, proteins and healthy fats. Cooking at home with simple ingredients lets you control the amount of oil and the proportion that you intake. Eating these at consistent times during the day will not only set you into a routine. I found that my body also started to form a routine of when it was hungry helping me to focus on other things instead of craving things like samosas and dosa.

3. Take Time for Recreation

Recreation is essential for a fulfilled life. Recreation does not include watching television, reading a book or anything that is using the brain to process or retain information. Taking a walk, playing with your dogs, playing a musical instrument or engaging in any hobby for your own enjoyment is the goal here. This should be a time where there are no right or wrong answers.

Many times we leave our jobs only to start our other full-time jobs in the home. Going to the grocery store, running the kids to all their functions and going board meetings fills the time that should be used to decompress from all the emotions and problem solving that has happened throughout the day. Instead we finish all these activities, eat and retreat to the couch or to the bed only to start all over again. Recreation is important to let go of any emotions that you may be holding on to from a conflict with a coworker or manager.

All of these things will help you in becoming unstoppable. The only person that can truly stop us is ourselves and we usually do that by exhausting ourselves of our own resources leaving us feel depleted at the end of the day. When we create a specific routine that serves us, we find purpose in the things that fill up our day. When we think of food as fuel we lose the food coma during the middle of the day. Then, when we take time for recreation, end the day doing something that we love and usually discover our gratefulness for everything that surrounds us.

Day 80: Celebration

Today, was the celebration of the 1st year of The Yoga Institute Powai Branch. The event was completely perfect as the guests enjoyed themselves, the participants were absolutely beautiful and I learned several new things about myself and the way I work with people. I always like to sit back and reflect after an event to review how the event went, to observe the emotions I felt during the process and to see how I could. I feel at these times this awkward silence when I receive compliments and that I constantly try to hide who I am.

On Saturday, I listened to a podcast by someone I used to look up to and felt sorry for them. I know his true story and me knowing this keeps him from being in my life. I have listened to many podcasts over the past several years. Most of the people on there are telling you how amazing their lives are and that you too could have their life. Fuck their double-sided bullshit-marketing-inspired-lifeless life. I wouldn’t want their life in a million fucking years. I often complain that I heard that I’m so talented but I can’t make a living or live a life off of my talents.

When I made an investment in myself to do some hard work, I learned a lot. This, paired with the practice of yoga, has me living the best version of myself that I can be every day. Is every day perfect? No. Is everyday perfect meaning the way that it should have been? Yes. Am I hear to tell you how you can have a life like mine? No, because sometimes I still can’t believe that THIS is my life. However, I do hope to inspire anyone I meet to be the best version of themselves that they can be every day.

During the rehearsals for the celebration, I felt less like hiding who I was. During the process, my classmates probably learned that I am completely annoyed with people that can’t be on time, that one plan is a great plan and that I love them regardless. Why hide the fact that it upsets me when people are late, but, equally, why let that ruin my experience of working with my friends and yoga family? This event will never happen again and, honestly, I will probably never get the opportunity to perform alongside them ever again.

It’s such a sad but exciting thought that in almost 6 months, I will be onto a new chapter in my life. The future is very uncertain, but, in this uncertainty, lives new adventure and a new beginning. This new beginning starts not from a bad experience but a very positive one. My strength and vision for what is to come is mine. It is my seed that I can’t wait to let grow to see what blossoms. Sometimes, reflection is just as beautiful as the experience itself.